Tag: Inner Child

Chapter 2: The Inner War

The Only Way Out Is —

At nights of riot, suffering from insomnia and severe heartache, I had recurring dreams of Spring again. Knowing that the darkness stemmed from this deepest secret, shall I really hold your hand and find out the answer together, my inner child.

In search of our deepest secret, my army of hatred, guilt, remorse and sadness was unleashed, following the sound of betrayal and fear, marched into the memory palace and launched attack. Within the quiet heart of darkness, there was a voice of hope, calling out muffledly for help. My inner child and I forged into the darkness, stepping closer to the voice. It spoke in a trembling voice, ‘please don’t leave me here’. In a split second, we lost sanity, desperate to hunt down the intruder. Here it is! Unexpectedly, it is Love, who has been imprisoned here for a decade. It slowly loomed out of the darkness.

The war had already begun in the interim. Bombs landed into the darkness, while they were tearing each other limb by limb, blood being splattered all over them. In hope of protecting our deepest secret, my inner child, vulnerable yet courageous, stood alone in her bare feet, against the army while they commanded her to leave, burying herself with our secret honourably rather than living in pain.

I screamed, ‘my dearest child, what are you trying to protect our secret from?’
‘From their loathsome morals, cruel judgments, and disgraceful sympathy!’
I challenged, ‘my strongest army, what are you trying to protect us from?’
‘From your selfish ego, unbearable cowardice, and untrustworthiness!’

Each of them fought for their own beliefs, both swore to be at my service, striving to bring me the greatest benefits; nevertheless, which war, with its agony and unscrupulousness, is not altogether obnoxious?

— Through.

 

Chapter 3: Love Empowerment

Chapter 1: Lost in Translation

I was bewildered by her feeling. It had been awhile since my inner child last took a peek from behind her cold, gigantic wall. She sat on the fence of the wall and smiled while Summer was walking past. She blushed and said, ‘I like him’. I missed her innocent smile, so I confessed love frivolously to Summer for her sake. He smiled back, with such a sophisticated smile, and his eyes were full of mystery. So I thought, ‘shall the game begin’. Following their erotic dance, an irresistible stomach-knocking feeling was aroused from within.

My inner child approached Summer, hesitating if she should hold his hand tightly and invite him to play inside our wall. My mind forewarned her, ‘Flee! Before Summer melts your ego.’

I was paralysed with love and fear. Starting to perspire and tremble, yet she ignored my warning and took a big step closer to Summer. Certainly he could smell the fear in her scent. Although he said ‘it is okay’ in a soft voice, he stared into her eyes with a sneer, and turned his head away all a sudden; we were lost in translation. Then, on the spur of the moment, he vanished like Oz the wizard. Yet his remaining heat melted the seal of our memory palace, releasing the darkness out from its hell, which triggered an inner war. 

My inner child could not stop her heartache, covering her tiny face with her hands, tears shedding down from her chin dropped heavily on my heart. My heart whispered to her, ‘Summer has been lost, you found him ’cause you have been a little lost yourself too.’

I am now awaken, realising that Summer is my mirror and that was why we were attracted to each other. In his eyes, it was not mystery but bunkers of mistrust and fear, clearly reflected deep in my irides, where he also has a wounded child living inside his own gigantic wall. As scared as my inner child felt, it was also difficult for him to let her venture into his inner world. How much I wish I could save him. But we must save ourselves before we can save the others.

Looking back at the wall I built around myself, and the memories of Spring, our deepest secret, which I have been trying to dissociate throughout these years, it changes everything that I thought I know about myself.

My inner child, now putting on her armour, is ready to exert herself to seek the truth, collecting fragments of memory, piece by piece, in order to bring us victory. She asked, ‘will you join me to the darkness of our memory palace?’

Chapter 2: Inner War